Closet or time capsule

Today,  I tackled cleaning my room.  This is my last week off before starting a new job so I want to get this house into shape if it kills me.  I haven't really done much with my room in about two years.  It is always the catch all.  I'm really not sure how I got all that stuff in my little closet!  I had a lot of fun when I found my kids art boxes from when they were in second or third grades.  I kept everything.  I had to stop and promise myself I would go through it all on a rainy Saturday.  I found the box that had all their baby items from when they were infants.  I had forgotten most of what was inside so it was like finding a time capsule.  I wish I had labeled some of the stuff so I knew who's some items were. I found a bag of camo clothes I've been saving for Justin since before I was married.  I just knew one day my son would love to have these clothes.  I was right. To bad he's still to small for most of them but two shirts will fit.  I found the big box speaker buried way in the back that was in my old ford truck.  The speakers were dry rotted and ruined but the box is good.  I couldn't bring myself to throw this away.  Justin might have an old truck and who knows,  maybe it will need speakers.  I wish I had more things that I could give Megan.  I do have an old doll that was her mothers.  I guess she forgot it was here.  I've kept it so I could give it to Megan when she gets a little older.  It's nothing special or fancy but maybe it will mean something.  I found a journal I kept the summer and winter of 1988.  That was an interesting read.  Lots of swimming and fishing and bike riding.  There was no mention of texting or video games.  What a different world.  Maybe I'll let my kids read that one.  I wish I could convey to my kids the significance of a technology free childhood.  I just get blank stares when I try to explain how amazing there world is.  I found wedding stuff that I would rather have not gone through.  I thought I had purged most of that years ago.  It didn't hurt it just felt wrong in some way.  I found a hat I received from a factory during training seminar some years ago that I saved to give to my Grandfather.  I never did.  I kept the hat.  Maybe I'm too sentimental about all this stuff and that's why the closet was packed?  In the end all I really did was repackaged and condensed a lot of stuff, but it sure looks better.  The little space I have left I decided to make into my prayer closet.  I never understood what was meant by prayer closet but there is something important about getting alone with God.  So that's two rooms and a hallway done this week and Wednesday I'm on to the kitchen and living room.  I expect this little room will have been the most fun though. 

Dad things

So, I've been reading blogs from mothers and I think I should stop. They're worried about nurturing their kids souls, what's for dinner and homeschool curriculum. Me? Well, I'm just trying to get through each day without screwing my kids up completely.
As a single dad I find no time for dad things. All I end up doing are mom things and I do them poorly. I'm not trying to be "gender biased" as some of our liberal friends would say but there are things women do better. I'm no homemaker that's for sure and when I get home from work I often long to just mow grass and repair things around the house that need fixing. Then, wouldn't it be nice to get a report from everyone on how their days went and what needed fixin' there. Instead, it's laundry, moping, cooking, cleaning, never ending cleaning. It so discouraging I just quit and lay down till bed time. The kids are old enough to do their own thing, but everyone knows if you aren't on them it's not getting done all the way or neatly. So, in the end nothing ever really gets done. I should be thankful my kids are out of the abusive relationship they had with their mother. I forget all those awful nights worrying about them.
I am thankful, forgetful, but thankful. I know the change needed in my family needs to be enacted by me. I know this change has to be radical. I can't do it on my own. Every day feels like an intervention of Gods grace. No matter how undeserving my actions and attitudes have been, somehow God brings us through. The house is a mess and there will always be something needing done and the man things just don't seem to matter, but I have my kids and they are good kids. Isn't that reason enough to keep going?