So, I've been reading blogs from mothers and I think I should stop. They're worried about nurturing their kids souls, what's for dinner and homeschool curriculum. Me? Well, I'm just trying to get through each day without screwing my kids up completely.
As a single dad I find no time for dad things. All I end up doing are mom things and I do them poorly. I'm not trying to be "gender biased" as some of our liberal friends would say but there are things women do better. I'm no homemaker that's for sure and when I get home from work I often long to just mow grass and repair things around the house that need fixing. Then, wouldn't it be nice to get a report from everyone on how their days went and what needed fixin' there. Instead, it's laundry, moping, cooking, cleaning, never ending cleaning. It so discouraging I just quit and lay down till bed time. The kids are old enough to do their own thing, but everyone knows if you aren't on them it's not getting done all the way or neatly. So, in the end nothing ever really gets done. I should be thankful my kids are out of the abusive relationship they had with their mother. I forget all those awful nights worrying about them.
I am thankful, forgetful, but thankful. I know the change needed in my family needs to be enacted by me. I know this change has to be radical. I can't do it on my own. Every day feels like an intervention of Gods grace. No matter how undeserving my actions and attitudes have been, somehow God brings us through. The house is a mess and there will always be something needing done and the man things just don't seem to matter, but I have my kids and they are good kids. Isn't that reason enough to keep going?